Chrianna: What an Unhealthy Relationship Looks Like

I've hestiated on writing about Chris Brown and Rhianna, even though it comes up in every Barbershop conversation I've been privy to. So here we go, my two and halfs. Let me start with this though. As a father of two little girls, I have a certain sensitivity to anyone laying hands on either of them. If I found out that anyone, especially a boy she was dating, touched her in any way deemed inappropriate, I can't publish my reactions here.

I've heard many different sides of what happened that night (although nothing is more substanative than the released police report), what started it, how it is transpired, and how this saga will end. As entertaining as all of the gossip blogs are, and sensationalized news reports are, I submit this is about more than two young and rich entertainers. This "love" story is a reflection of our society's view of relationships in general. As our nation has developed, to become a world leader in economy, technology, and everything this else that measures growth and progress, we have increasingly become more cut throat, impersonal, and self-centered. We have adpoted the notion that world revolves around me, my interests, my desires, and my feelings are the only ones that matter. Some critics call this arrogant. Some people are even bold enough to say it, but most of us just act out the principles.

To bring some color to this notion, let's look at the stock market and what drove the American economy into the ground. Sure, the credit markets froze, largely due to the mortgage industry's collapse. And to top all this off, Bernie Madoff made off with an obscene amount of money from unsuspecting investors. Its easy for people to blame the mortgage crisis on homebuyers taking out mortgages they couldn't afford. But the reality is that a borrower can't borrow what a lender won't lend. Lenders were focusing on the short term strategy...increase profits as mich as possible to make stockholders happy in this quarter. The problem is every quarter stockholders expected more profits, and the company had to deliver. This short term mentatlity in business affairs has a direct affect on we think about relationships in general. We are not concerned with the long-term health of the company, just this quarter. Besides, the practice has always been, if the short term strategy doesn't work, and the company begins to not realized profits and can't pay bills, the company with just file bancruptcy, restructure, and start all over...no harm, no foul. Only in real life, there is real harm, and fouls hurt. We as a society have to begin to take seriously the long term health our actions.

To bring my point home, I submit that domestic violence, partially is result of how we think about relationships in general. Our economy is driven by self-indulgence, greed, and arrogance; and so are our personal lives. If a girl and a guy are in a relationship, and the short term needs are not being met, we take no issue with disposing of the realtionship the best way we know how. The problem is we don't know how to dispose of the relationships. I'm not in now way advocating for staying in an abusive relationship for the sake of trying to make it work. What I am advocating for is staying in healthy relationships and trying to make it work. I heard a friend of Chris Brown say to me, "You don't know what really happened. Rhianna is mean, and always pushing his buttons." Well, my response is shame of Chris Brown for being with a woman who he allows to take him to a position of violence. We should be teaching our young men to seek women who will use thier words to build them up, not tear them down. Just like we should be teaching our young women that it is never acceptable to allow a man lay a hand on them. Stevie Wonder proclaims in his hit song "That Girl," "She doesn't use love to make him weak, she uses love to keep him strong." How profound, what if we used love to make each other strong? I think Stevie was on to something.

Obama: The First Black President...and me.

Someone asked me on November 5, 2008 what it means to me that Barack Obama won his election to be President of the United States of America. My reply to them was, "It means he ran a damn good race." Obviously, not satisfied with this answer, they said, "C'mon Anthony, you know what I mean. He's gonna be the first Black President." I agreed with his assertion, and calmly replied, "Ask me again on January 20, 2009." And he did.

My good friend asked me moments after President Barack Obama was officially sworn in, "Anthony, now that its official, what does it mean to have Barack Obama as President." After shhhh'ing him so I could listen to President Obama's address, I told him, "It means there is a chance."

From the moment President Obama announced his candidacy for President, the world changed. People began to choose sides, and ask themselves very hard questions.

• Do I support Barack Obama because he could be the future?


• Do I support Hillary Clinton because there is no way America is going to elect a Black man as president so I might as well not even get my hopes up?
• Do I support John McCain because those damn Republicans will steal the election again?
  

Now I know the above questions don't represent everybody's thoughts. I can hear some of my very dear friends saying right now, "Anthony, I supported Hillary because she was the most qualified." And I say to them, "Okay."

I believe America is poised once again to be the leaders of the free world. Leadership has nothing to do with title, and very little to do with position, but everything to do with example. I believe by the sheer fact that everyone in this country has been renewed with a sense of "I can do anything," that we will begin to live out our hopes. Moreover, I believe when we start to moving forward, the rest of the world will follow, not because they feel obligated to, but because they will know we are not charting a course for doom and destruction, but progress and restoration.

President Obama is the actualization of new leadership in this country. Leaders who would be agree that they are more than African American leaders, but Leaders who are African American. I think its important to make this clear because we are a new generation of leadership, political and others. African Americans are no longer limited to becoming teachers, preachers, machinists. sanitation workers, and so on. African Americans are doctors, lawyers, principles and school superintendants, pilots, board chairmen and chairwomen, and even a President. I stress this because the fight is not the same, and because of this, the game rules of engagement are different.

I said to my friend President Obama's position means to me that we have a chance. Now, we have a chance to prove ourselves with a different set of qualifiers. The chance now comes with the validation that if African Americans are given an opportunity we can make the most of it. I understand the chance may not be a fair chance, but that day will soon come as well. I am excited that my children and grandchildren will have chances in life that I didn't have (if we don't mess it up), just as I had more chances than my parents.

I am hopeful, gracious, and excited about this President, this country, and the world. I know Barack won't solve all problems all over the world, and its unrealistic to expect him to do so. I just know my children will know with the right foundation, a lot of prayer, good decisions, a sense of community, urgency, and integrity (among many other things) they too can change the world. And they'll do it, and be recognized, not because they are African American but because they deserve it.